“Remember this pain. Never come back.”

“Remember this pain. Never come back”. I saved this as a draft in my cellphone when we were heading to Mukshpuri Hotel, Nathiagali on March 1, 2013. 5 hours had passed since we were walking in snow. It was dark and there was no one around to be seen except for 25 of us who had started trekking towards Dunga Gali from Kalabagh. We were supposed to reach the hotel directly by van but because of too much snow the path was not clear and we had to walk. It was pitch dark around us and annoyingly white beneath our feet. All one could hear was sound of ‘me’ slipping in the snow, sound of shoppers that we were using as gaiters, and oh Yes – Idrees’s voice from time to time ‘Hafsa baji, Hajra baji – Are you guys okay?’. He was assigned the leader of that day and we could only reply with a dull voice saying, “Yeah”. I could kill anyone who would talk to me at that time. I guess everyone felt same because no one had really talked to anyone this whole time. Um, except for Zainab. She was talking A LOT.

Around 20 participants including me were part of Chasing Snow Leopard – snow based youth leadership program by Youth Impact. As soon as I heard about this program, the only thing I knew was ‘I AM GOING’.

Hajra and Zainab setting up tent, 

while I am honoring the snow by just standing on it.

The best part I liked about the program was how it integrated the theoretical knowledge with practical lessons. I remember how Abdul Samad Khan explained NOLS Leadership roles and how we were able to identify active follower, designated leader, peer leader and self-leader among us. I find it funny now that I am mentioning the best part of program. When I was asked on 2^nd day during the review session about what was the best part of program as of that moment, I took so long to think about it, and then I went about it like ‘walking from that window to where I am sitting right now was the best part as I could see where I am walking’. Blekh. How lame was that.

Review Session - March 2, 2013
Mukshpuri Hotel, Dunga Gali

After the program ended, all of us were asked to give feedback (good and bad) to each other keeping in view the 3 days of experience we had together. Good things I was told about me included I am Funny rather hilarious (Yeah I know. I don’t get it either), quick learner, caring, nice person, good cook (MY SISTERS NEED TO SEE THIS), courageous, calm, makes good soup (I got to make that packed soup with recipe written on it. Tee haa. And to be honest, it was all water), showed good leadership qualities throughout, brave, friendly, good communication, keen observer.

And then there were guns including lazy (I’m not even sorry), doesn’t take herself seriously, have to make effort to know her, doesn’t talk much, underestimates herself, shy, didn’t engage with group as a whole, lack of coordination, difficult to know, talks very fast, need to get out of her shell.

One gun that I don’t know how I and Hajra avoided was of Wajahat Malik. We were being as girly as one could get. Did I mention that we didn’t really pack right for the program and how we ignored the list sent by Youth Impact? No water proof jackets, no warm layers, no proper socks, shoes and what not? And did I mention that on first night after walking for 7 hours carrying those heavy backpacks, we talked to facilitators that we want to go back? Ekh. We still don’t know how he didn’t push us off that mountain.

There were a lot of lifelong lessons that I learnt at CSL that I would like to share:

1. Every drop of water is a blessing. Save it.
2. When an opportunity arrives. GRAB it with both your hands.
3. Before making tea, make sure the pot was NOT used to cook chicken before. Thank you Moaz for Masala Chai :’)
4. It is okay to be an active follower.
5. When you are afraid of something, but you see people enjoying it. DO IT. You might enjoy it as well.
6. Leave No Trace principles.

I don’t remember when did I remove that draft from my phone, but I have been back there many times, not in snowy season though.

The thing that I feared the most during CSL has happened. I don’t remember the pain.

I sucked, you won’t :)